Quit trying to master new skills

How to start having more fun as an adult

“You’re the fun nazi,” someone blurted out at me in high school. 

I don’t remember who said it or why, but the phrase always stuck with me. Not because I’m a Russian Jew and should be offended (I’m not; it’s hilarious) but because it cut through me like the truth always does. Sometimes, my memory reminds me of this comment when I’m flakey about a social commitment or reach for Netflix instead of going out with friends. 

I’ve struggled with having fun because life is serious, and you’re meant to spend your time wisely: accomplishing goals, moving ahead, and improving yourself. Right?

The worst part is that no one tells you that having fun as an adult only gets more challenging. 

But, no matter how busy I get during the week, a little fun time is always available. I just don’t use it wisely. I call it the “me time” menu, filled with five generic items: Food, Shopping, Alcohol, Drugs and Sex. Each can be a good time and extra fun if you combine them. 

As a teenager, I looked forward to the day I could order anything from this menu. You don’t get the keys to unlock these specialty items until you're an adult. 

Shopping requires money, alcohol has an age limit, drugs were more challenging to get a decade ago but still not a turnkey process today, and sex might be the most difficult to land on a moment's notice but doable (no pun intended). 

This menu is now worn out and tattered. I’ve ordered everything here, and it's lost its effect on me. Worse yet, I know anything I choose will leave me less energized and even more depleted.

It’s a “fast fun” menu, but I need to find “farm to fun.” The type of fun that feeds my soul, boosts my self-confidence, and leaves me excited for another day. 

Wait, what does farm-to-fun look like? It’s an activity that requires skills or know-how. Usually, some form of creation and self-expression and sometimes even a community: mountain biking, sailing, writing, creating music, painting, skiing, ceramics, singing, fencing, interior design – you get the picture. 

Sitting in my little home office in sunny Lisbon, Portugal, I opened my laptop, loaded up my music production software (Ableton Live), and panicked. 

What’s my end goal again? What if I look stupid? If I’m not going to be the best, then why bother? I don’t remember how this program works; this is going to take forever. 

I wasted my morning energy burst on my inability to master Ableton Live. 

Later that afternoon, with nothing to show from my anxiety party, I realized I completely missed the point of why I was even trying to use Ableton.  

I wanted to get an idea out for a song. I wanted to create some music. I wanted to play.

It was all backward thinking! 

Wake-up call: If I’m going to have more fulfilling fun in my free time, then I need new skills. That just requires some basic knowledge. It’s not about being the best; it’s about getting good enough so that I can play. 

Now I ask better questions, like, what’s the bare minimum I need to know to use this skill and have fun? 

It’s a small tweak to how I approach learning. But I can see the difference in my creative output already, and most importantly, how charged and amazing I feel afterward. 

Goodbye, self-inflicted pressure. 

Here are some of the new ways I’m enjoying my free time/playtime: 

• Re-learning Ableton Live to make music

• Learning how to write so I can articulate my ideas and express myself

• Draw characters inspired by my travels 

• Learning video editing software for a video series called “My Russian Mom”   

• Writing and performing stand-up comedy 

Shift your mentality from “time to master a new skill” to “time to use a new skill,” and you’ll not only enjoy the process but get more satisfaction out of life. 

Quit trying to master new skills and have more fulfilling fun.